all downhill from here and other poems

I'm delighted to confirm I made a short but eccentric debut as a poet last night. It was an 'open-mike' session at the legendary Pretty Bricks.

The three poems I presented appear below and the accompanying photo was taken during the course of 'gotcha'. The audience really did say 'cheese' rather than pelting me with rotten tomatoes, which is what I rather think I deserved!

 

 all downhill from here

I was born to this world when incredibly young,

bereft of control over bladder, bowels and tongue.

But as I grow old I'm sorry to say,

I'm hurtling downhill

with no means to delay.

For that which was supple and flexed with great ease

is now fused solid from hips to the knees

Whilst a thing once rigid, jutting proud, firm and bold

droops limp in reverse, a sad sign that I'm old.

 The waist grows thicker the hair starts to thin
Spare me the tonic, just bring me the gin.

So with stoic resolve it's the final big drop,

A vertiginous fall from life's mountain top

It'll bring me full circle to where I've begun,

bereft of control over bladder, bowels and tongue!

gotcha

I've selfied on my smartphone

a thousand smiling ways

that say I am so happy

despite this sad malaise

I check my likes each hour

I tweet like I'm the best

but it can't disguise the fact

that I'm totally depressed

those plates of food that look so good

the holiday snaps amazing

I've photo-shopped my wrinkled face

so no more crazy paving

my eyes burn bright my teeth shine white

I'd like to say I'm happy

but scratch beneath the surface

and all I feel is crappy

Yet wait, I have the answer

I'll turn the lens around

you don't look quite so good yourself

I'm sure that's what I've found

I'll count you down I'll count you in

your best grins if you please

and when I reach the number three

I'd like you to say 'cheese'!!!

 READY?

1 - 2- 3

CHEESE!!!

I've gotcha on my camera

it's there for all to see

I'm off to post on instagram ...

you look as bad as me!

               

united in language

Trump; noxious hot wind

emitted by an anus

leaves behind foul smells.